Peeves Peril
by Prathdrake
Summary: Another ACHOO challenge! Peeves becomes the...Dun, dun, dun... ...new DADA teacher! Ahhhhhhhhhh!


Peeves Peril   
  
by Prathdrake   
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A/N: This was an ACHOO challenge. I always love entering ACHOO contests because it gives me something to write in the Author's Note place. Anymoo, the requirements were:   
  
-Someone must yell, "FREEZE!"   
-Must include Peeves.   
-The cheering charm must be used.   
-There must be a new teacher.   
-Must be a reasonable length. Not like 3 paragraphs, and not a novel.   
  
Okay............. Onto the story! Hooray!   
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Dumbledore looked over the mass of students. A new year, a new DADA teacher. Soon he would announce the professor.   
  
"Students," he said to the crowd, "Please take your seats. I'm about to....." He noticed that nobody was listening.   
  
"Hmmmm..." he thought, "Better take action with the quieting spell." And that he did. Suddenly, all the students and staff cheered.   
  
"Uh-oh," Dumbledore said, "Wrong spell." He had used the cheering spell and now the students were even noisier than even. What would he ever do?   
  
"Freeze!" a voice yelled from nowhere. The students all quieted down, but the voice went on.   
  
"Freeze it, Dum-Dum! Freeze the chicken! We don't want it to thaw!"   
  
Dumbledore realized the voices were coming from the kitchen. The House Elves were quarreling again.   
  
Author: Phew! Got those abstract requirements out of the way!   
  
Narrator: Do you mind? I'm trying to tell a story here!   
  
Author: Oh.... Sorry.   
  
"Well," said Dumbledore, "Now that I've got your attention, let's get to business! The new Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher is.............." (collective gasp by the students)   
  
".....Peeves!" ended Dumbledore.   
  
Boys gasped with shock, girls shrieked with terror and Peeves floated down with pride.   
  
"Well that wasn't exactly the reaction I expected," said Peeves, peeved. None of the children were listening, but Peeves went on.   
  
"Defense Against The Dark Arts classes start on Friday. I am very pleased to be... ...uh... ...WHY WON'T ANYBODY LISTEN TO ME!?" The students paid no attention. They went on rambling about Peeves teaching DADA, as if he wasn't there.   
  
Author: Weren't.   
  
Narrator: What?   
  
Author: It's not 'wasn't'. It's 'weren't'.   
  
Narrator: No it isn't!   
  
Author: Yes it is!   
  
Narrator: No!   
  
Author: Yes!   
  
Narrator: Yes!   
  
Author: No... ....Oh shoot! That doesn't count! You know what I meant!   
  
Narrator: Fine. I'll get a dictionary.   
  
*gets a dictionary, looks it up, and comes back*   
  
Narrator: Oh, well, you win. Back to the story.   
  
...as if he WEREN'T there.   
  
"What I need," said Peeves, "Is a new wardrobe, a new attitude, a new... ...me!"   
  
****   
  
Next Friday, second period, the Gryffindors were in DADA class. Peeves had still not arrived and the students were jumpy.   
  
"I bet he's gonna let us play AAAAALLLLLLLLL class!" said Hermione. Harry and Ron both looked at her.   
  
"Okay," said Ron, "Who are you and what have you done with the REAL Hermione?"   
  
"Um... ...uh... ...well... ...er (coughs)... ...Well, uh, Hermione's here alright... ..but... ...uh... ...there may be certain... ...how do you say... ...uh... ...differences... ...between the two of... ...uh... ...Curses! Foiled again!"   
  
A host clawed it's way out of Hermione and scrambled to the door. It was almost out, when Peeves accidentally stepped on it. He was finally there. But something was different about him. Peeves had on a black suit, a bowler hat, polished shoes and a shirt so white, it would have shamed the snow.   
  
"Let's get down to business," said Peeves, "I trust you've all read pages 6 and 5 in your textbooks. Who can tell me the main topic of paragraph 3?" All eyes turned to Hermione, but she was silent. Dead silent.   
  
Someone coughed.   
  
"Well I've never taught a more noisier group of students before!" said Peeves, angrily, "Coughing in class! Really! Can't you have more respect for your teacher? Ten points from Gryffindor!" The entire class groaned and Peeves made it 20.   
  
For an entire hour, the class (excepting Hermione), had to listen to Peeves drone on about vampires and their wicked ways. It was more like a sermon than a class, Harry noted. He was actually looking forward to Potions class now.   
  
At lunch, Harry and Ron were talking about the DADA lesson.   
  
"That was... ...uh... ...odd," stated Ron.   
  
"Definitely," said Harry, "We've got to do something."   
  
"What do you think?" asked Ron, turning to Hermione. She didn't answer. She wasn't even moving.   
  
"She must be taking a nap," said Harry. They finished up their lunches and left.   
  
****   
  
"I've got a plan to get Peeves out of Defense Against the Dark Arts!" said Ron on the way to Potions.   
  
"Great!" said Harry, "What is it?"   
  
"You'll see..." said Ron mysteriously.   
  
****   
  
"Come one, come all!" shouted Ron in the hallway, "Sign this petition to get Peeves out of Defense Against the Dark Arts!" Harry walked by.   
  
"This is your big plan?" asked Harry, "How is this gonna help?"   
  
"Well maybe," started Ron, "Dumbledore will see how much we hate Peeves and get us rid of him."   
  
"Right," agreed Harry, "That's gotta work! I'll get Hermione to sign!" When Harry brought Hermione back, she couldn't even hold a pen up.   
  
"Oh my!" said Harry, "We'd better take her temperature!" Harry took a thermometer out of his pocket that was sooooooo conveniently placed and stuck it in Hermione's mouth.   
  
"Oh no!" said Harry, "She deathly cold! better put her back in her room!"   
  
****   
  
"So you see, Sir," said Ron, with his 200 signatures, "We all think Peeves is a really bad teacher.   
We think you should fire him."   
  
"Well I don't know," said Dumbledore, "What's he done? Does he misbehave, cause trouble flick boogies at people?"   
  
"Well.... ....no," said Ron, "In fact, he's just being really... ...civilized. And that's the problem because-"   
  
"I see know," said Dumbledore, "You think he's so boring and you want a funner teacher, isn't that right? I won't fall for your foolish tricks this time. Now be a good boy and head off to Defense Against the Dark Arts." Dumbledore chivied Ron out the door.   
  
"How'd it go?" asked Harry, once Ron was out the door.   
  
"Not so good," answered Ron, "He refuses to believe that Peeves is a bad teacher. I mean, Peeves is a good teacher, but... ...Arrgh!"   
  
Ron suddenly started running in a circle and yelling something about Peeves.   
  
"Oh my heavens!" shouted Harry sounding like a granny, "He's finally snapped!"   
  
****   
  
"Oh, don't worry about Ron," said Madame Pomfrey to Harry, "He's the 51st one this week. In fact, the only student who hasn't snapped is you. All the rest have been rushed in yelling something about Peeves."   
  
"Uh, thanks," said Harry, "Is everyone all right?"   
  
"They'll be fine in a couple of days," answered Madame Pomfrey, "Well, everyone except Hermione. She's the sickest of them all. She hasn't moved a muscle since she got here!"   
  
****   
  
"I'm telling you, Professor Dumbledore," said Harry, "Peeves has..."   
  
"That's Professor Peeves to you," said Dumbledore.   
  
"Yeah, anyway PROFESSOR Peeves is driving us all literally insane! Goodness knows what he's done to Hermione!"   
  
"You must be exaggerating!" said Dumbledore, "I highly doubt that the students are going insane!"   
  
Just then, one of the students walked in.   
  
"Happy, purple, polka-dotted, spring-time daisies!" the student said said. Madame Pomfrey came in.   
  
"Sorry Professor," said Madame Pomfrey, "This little rascal escaped!"   
  
Professor Dumbledore didn't say anything. He was left shocked and wide-eyed.   
  
****   
  
It was the end of the year and all the students were sane again.   
  
"Welcome to the end of the year feast!" announced Dumbledore, "We have two items of business to discuss. The first of which is the House Cup. The winner of the cup is...."   
  
The students listened closer.   
  
"...Me!" shouted Dumbledore. The students looked at each other oddly.   
  
"The second item is about Peeves. Against my better judgement, and to probably everyone else's delight, I have decided to let Peeves go, due to certain...."   
  
"Hooray!" shouted the students.   
  
"What!?" said Dumbledore, "I didn't do a cheering charm this time!"   
  
That didn't matter to them. They kept on cheering, with the exception of Hermione, of course. She wasn't doing anything.   
  
THE END   
  
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A/N: I'm kinda sad about what happened to Hermione. Please R/R. Thanx and all that stuff.   
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